her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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