sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize