dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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