apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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