this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
So many bounce houses so little time
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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