Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
