I just gift wrapped bread.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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