I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
