is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
