i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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