his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
