oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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