I want you more than these girls want KFC
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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