she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
