I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
