dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
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