i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
