I will die if light touches me.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize