We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
