Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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