if i died would you start the facebook group?
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize