I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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