I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I am spending my child support on dildos
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
