what if every blade of grass was a penis?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Randomize
