We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
