Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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