just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
