Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
There r osticjed everywhere
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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