The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
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