That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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