so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Randomize
