oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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