Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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