I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize