it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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