im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize