I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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