1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize