Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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