Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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