Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize