i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
