sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
