There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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