I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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