I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
