I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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