I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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