Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
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