So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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