And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Randomize
