I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
