i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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