I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
