Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
