She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
