I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
