I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I woke up under a house in Key West
Randomize
