3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
