nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Randomize