Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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