the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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