Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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