My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize