you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
We need to rekindle our bromance
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
