She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
