On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm too high and old for this...
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
