Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
