Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
