I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
