i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
