Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
