I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Girls should come with a carfax report
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
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