What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
