she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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