i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
