I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
