ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
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