If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
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