so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
