I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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