This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh god it's open bar.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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