i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
well most of my day revolves around power hour
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
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