Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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