I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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