but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
