with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
