okay pat passed out under dana's car
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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