so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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