where does the pee come out of this thing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
