So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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