Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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