He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
