I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
