hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
