Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Randomize
