My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
