11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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