how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
